inspiration to one day become a Domina had to do with fetish
imagery I had seen at a very early age, consisting of exotic
high heels, exotic makeup, smoking, rubber, and verbal taunting.
I saw a trailer from a film of a very haughty woman being
devious towards the camera dressed up in such finery and I
was very attracted to her. I wanted to be just like her! I
had fetishes too, which was unusual. I used to daydream all
day about corsets and fashions, and spent hours with my friends
playing dress up with makeup and there were no boys allowed.
I was also very athletic and spent a great deal of time outdoors.
In my teens I subjected my boyfriends (who were always older
than me) to my BDSM desires which often consisted of sex in
public places (the thrill of possibly being caught), some
sort of restriction (I usually used my pantyhose) and some
sort of game or role play. I liked tying my boyfriends up
and I was quite dramatic. I was also fond of hitting and slapping,
ect. This was not the “consensual play” I do now
– I was somewhat abusive towards men in my teenage years.
I was sadistic. My first adult sexual relationship with another
woman was like this too. I am someone who has sadism “in
me”, and it surfaces with certain people who are masochists.
I also understand and appreciate the other side, but prefer
the Dom side overall – I’m 80% Dom side, but enough
of the other side to feel compassion towards my submissives,
fetishists and masochists because I have tried just about
everything I impose on others. I don’t know exactly
how it feels for them, but I have a “point of reference”
for what it’s all about and some idea about why they
want to do it. (I’m not a submissive or switch, BTW).
I also classify as a Sadomasochist, and I firmly believe that
we all have some of the other in all of us, but one overrides
the other, and this makes us what we are able to define as.